So Alexia totally forgot about him… “Wrote him off!” Alexia decided she was fed up with him and the “game” he was apparently playing. When liking someone, and being sexual together, there’s a period when most women and some men become tired of playing games, and actually start caring for the person they’ve developed feelings for. However, this is MUCH easier said and thought about than done! A week went by where there was no correspondence, and Alexia seemed happy and content. BUT, when taking a nap, the vibration went off, and all the quickly-trashed feelings were soon recycled back. Just as easy as a woman can try to write off a man, she can also just as quickly be sucked back in. We often ask ourselves, why does this happen? Well, it’s pretty clear that when women pay no attention to men, men come crawling back with their tails between their legs. This pattern makes it quite clear some game is being played. It’s hard enough to find someone special enough to have intense feelings for. So, WHY play games when it’s clear you are into each other?

While spending the weekend in Boston, I knew hitting Bloomies wasn’t even a question. Even better was sauntering through the racks with Mom, and taking full advantage of their pre-sale. Of course this meant finding and buying some spring duds! (Like there New York doesn’t have enough shops that I need to stalk up when in Boston! But most daughters will agree, shopping with Mom can be quite the bonding trip!) It was time to pay; we had found and met this very nice salesperson, a Jewish girl from Needham, and 4 months pregnant. You know the Maven was quick to befriend her and get the skinny on how she and her hubby met. But, before those details came into play, Rachel quickly divulged all the horrible dates she went on back in her single years, starting with…

Being over a guy’s place, having to pee, and unable to find a scrap of toilet paper in the man’s bathroom–not even a Kleenex! “Drip Dry, EWE!”
Rule #1:
Men, when you know you are having a date, send for the cleaning lady pronto, or clean up yourself, and make sure to REPLACE and have TOILET PAPER!

Then there was a dinner date which involved Mexican food. Come on now men! Mexican on a first date–without knowing how her tummy will hold up, seriously what was he thinking? I mean, there are those rare occasions where the Tequila and a burrito don’t mix very well! MEN, pleeaase, this is a NO, NO! But, if you do happen to do the Mexican thing on a first date and I’d suggest you DON’T, then make certain to have Tums or Pep readily available!
RULE #2:
MEN, make SURE you always ask your date about ethnic foods, and if she LIKES OR NOT, and my Maven advice is NEVER pick Mexican for a first date! And, WOMEN, on first dates, NEVER order the most expensive thing, and if asked to suggest a spot, make it easy on the belly, and on his wallet!

But, the funniest was after they went for Mexican, and it was doing a number on her stomach, when she went back to use the bathroom where now there was toilet paper there was another BIG problem, there was NO spray, or even a match to strike! ARE YOU KIDDING MEN…NO LYSOL OR GLADE FRESH SENT, NOT EVEN A MATCH? Oh dear, if this was me, I seriously think I would’ve died!!!!
RULE #3 BOTH ladies and gents, ALWAYS SNAG MATCHES when leaving a restaurant; you just never know when they may come in handy! In this case it would’ve been a blessing!

My mouth fell; I was cracking up. Luckily, this has never happened to me. I hate Mexican food, and would probably only drink if taken there, and 99% of the time I always pop a Zantac before heading out–I suggest everyone pop one too! However, no toilet paper has happened in a public bathroom, but PRIVATE…COME ON NOW….
RULE #4
MAKE SURE YOU HAVE TP!!!!!!!!!! (THIS ALSO GOES FOR MEN AND WOMEN.)

As far as dining and first dates are concerned, it’s probably best not to do dinner on most first dates. Try grabbing drinks in a place where you could also get app’s if hungry or hitting it off. If you’re going to “post, click, and pic,” then make SURE you truthfully list your likes and dislikes…..in a sincere and confident demeanor! And ladies, here’s a tip for you as well. Don’t be a snob and order lobster on a first date, or worse, suck down Johnnie Walker Blue. Also, always be polite and at least offer to pay. (Granted, usually most well-mannered men will never go Dutch!) And MEN, get the toiletries in order and ASK or pick a normal spot to grab a drink! A click and pick does not have to be an interrogation….However are the reasons there aren’t more 2nd and 3rd dates because most singles only know how to “interrogate” instead of being inquisitive through friendly conversation?? Remember: A fist date is NOT a job interview. Sit back, have a drink, and RELAX!

Oftentimes when out with your friends, you’ll sit there and think to yourself, WHY is my friend socializing with that person; they look like a Heroin addict! Well, when at Rochelle’s 30th birthday party, a cute male friend of hers was associating himself with what looked to be a bimbo you’d see on Hollywood Blvd! We sat there staring and whispering: Is he serious? She’s not pretty…. looks dirtier than a bloated ho with mascara running down her face, who’s still up from the previous night’s festivities and needs to wash her smelly, cigarette-laced locks! Why do some men or women who are groomed, nice, successful, and smart, seem to pick up the trashiest, shadiest looking characters in the place?

What some people don’t seem to “get,” is that other people tend to make assumptions based upon those you’ve been associating with. Seriously, if there’s an attractive man or woman in the room, and all of a sudden they’re seen talking to someone who has more cans of Aqua-Net than he/she does teeth, then most likely Mr. or Miss “hottie” won’t seem like such a hottie after all. While most friends will do their best to get along with their friends’ acquaintances, there are those rare occasions when we ask ourselves, WHY is this person friends with them, or why did my friend approach him or her?

As a Maven, I will say years ago I had a friend whom all my other friends couldn’t stand. Looking back, as we’re no longer friends, I can see exactly why my cronies didn’t like her and thought she was a complete bitch. Men and women, we should all be careful whom we choose to be friends with and whom we pick up. First impressions do matter! Somewhere along the way, someone may have noticed you but failed to approach because of the skanky HO or beer-guzzling lard-ass you were standing and associating with; they were utterly turned off. Next time, be more aware. Have a shot of Cuervo with the cool man or woman checking you out, instead of trying to pick up the dirty hooker who seems as if she’s been snorting lines and shooting needles!

From reading thousands of profiles, its frightful how so many sound the same. As your Maven, I suggest everyone should stop writing the same garbage, and BE straightforward and honest to everyone checking you out. If you are more plump than svelte, then SHOW it! If you went from a silky full head of locks to thinning/receding hair, then TAKE OFF your lid. If you need the Maven to OK your profiles and pics before posting, feel free to send! Sometimes the truth is hard to admit, BUT, we MUST stop lying and trying to be something we’re not, or look like we did back in our college years—you know, being that hot promoter that all the chicks wanted or that sorority biatch who most of the men tried to fuck. In later years, you’ll discover what may have looked stunning years ago, IS NOT appealing to your eye today! It’s time to replace the old college pictures with an updated, current, and truthful description of what you’re like today.

But, is the truth to why we often misrepresent ourselves because we’re insecure and unhappy with how we’ve aged, added an extra roll or two, or maybe lost a few hair follicles? Whatever you’re reasons are for hiding the truth we should try and figure out how to be honest. Still though why don’t most men and women understand that nothing is gained from lying and hiding the truth?

It’s incomprehensible why many pictures posted by men and women are often so old that they date as far back as sorority or frat days. And, when asked for more pics, most of the time the new one(s) will look NOTHING like what was originally posted. Lies are NOT appreciated! However, it’s obvious that most people don’t get this, since many have told me that this keeps happening. Why are so many men and women dishonest? Don’t we get that once the truth is learned, there usually will be no chance of a date, and often any further dialogue will be discontinued? Men and women must STOP writing all the same bullshit. Seriously, most will say they enjoy the movies one night, a decked-out black tie affair the next, and then a night in at home, snuggling under a down blanket with their sweetie; it’s all so generic. Can’t most single, online, dating men and women smarten up, ditch the trite expressions, and write something truthful and catchy; is it that hard to be honest?

Since the style of dating today is by a pic, and a click, you’d sincerely hope that all single men and women would be sincere, not write lies with fabricated stories, or post ancient or old pictures. You’d expect from reading someone’s profile that they would be truthful and honest about who they are. However unfortunately, with many online profiles this is NOT the case!

From thousands of received emails from men, most of which I usually do reply to, curious to see if they’re in the market to buy a condo/coop, (my other career), and also to see if they’re full of shit or portraying the truth in their profiles, I’ll click reply and hit send!

Since many men have validated my profile as being real, and letting me know they think my profile is unique, and one of a kind, (which it is), it’s SO upsetting to discover how many men LIE on their profiles. The lies and exaggerations are so astounding, from stretching the truth about oneself, to lying about their height, air brushing their photos to shed and shrink the extra pounds, to some men wearing a hat to cover their baldness. The fabrications on even their backgrounds never cease to amaze me. Also, some will go so far to BS about their career, where they are from, and what religion they are. Don’t single men and women understand that looks, personality, and telling the TRUTH all matters? Is starting a friendship/or relationship out on lies really the route we should be taking?

Most people have been in similar situations like Daniel, and because there are so many transmittable STD’s floating around, we all should consider not exchanging bodily fluids with unknowns, and only fucking one person at a time. As shitty as condoms feel for men, and of course women, if sleeping around undoubtedly the pecker should be sealed! However, if it’s abundantly obvious you’re hot for each other, and keep going back for more rounds, then WHY not try exclusivity? Maybe it’s time we try discovering where our “duo” may or may not go. Who knows we may just get REALLY lucky, be pleasantly surprised, and amazingly happy. However, whatever way we “play,” always remember, and recognize that just because your having sex, fucking, or making love with someone, this “SEX” DOES NOT mean your “relationship is exclusive.” Though, what if just the SEX was exclusive, and we kept “dating”; maybe long term this way is the RIGHT way to see if he, or she, is your soul mate and perfect one?

In the beginning stages of relationships many of us are SO attracted to who we’re dating that waiting to have sex is sometimes NOT an option. While speaking with Daniel, we were discussing this new girl he met online and was starting to date. However, he clearly expressed to me that by no means were they “exclusive.” I thought to myself, well, how long should one wait until deciding whether or not to be exclusive, AND does having sex often imply that one wants to change the relationship from non-exclusive to exclusive? I tried to figure out what he was thinking and where he was going with this new-found woman, so I blatantly asked him,

“Have you slept with her yet?”
“Maven, nothing like being blunt and cutting right to the chase! Yes, we’ve had sex.”
“And it’s clear to her that you’re not exclusive?”
“Yes.”
“Interesting…..been there myself! Does she or you want to be exclusive?”
“No. At least I don’t, and I don’t think she does.”
“So then you’re both just enjoying each other’s company, and it’s just sex?”
“Well, I’m moving, so I don’t see the need for anything hot and heavy right now. I guess it just is what it is.”

However, while they were out Friday night, she managed to slip in how a friend of hers wanted to introduce her to this guy, and since he had just gotten back from Europe, her friend gave him her number.

“Well, we aren’t exclusive; you should go.”
“Yes, I know. That’s why I felt like I could tell you and it wouldn’t be a big deal. After all, you’re dating others too, right?”
“Yes.”

“Dating others,” I thought that means dating….NOT HAVING SEX, DANIEL. Does this girl know you’re banging other chicks? And, is she banging other men? How does that make you feel?

Since men and women view things very differently, when attending a speed dating event, I decided to focus on WHY certain men may have issues with finding the perfect woman to date. I don’t think men understand how a good first impression often determines whether or not a woman will want to talk to you for more than a minute, show some interest, and if asked, accept a date. Having done speed dating once before, where you have 3 minutes to meet and speak with your “date,” it’s questionable if most men see certain traits about themselves which many women dislike and find unattractive.

For instance, out of the 15 men that I met, when they went to shake my hand, many had SWEATY palms. EWW! This is the worst! Its like, did you just finish jerking off and forget to wash? Come on men, get the sweaty palms under control—please–it’s truly gross shaking someone’s clammy hands! Next were the men whose breath STUNK of Maker’s Mark or Jack on the rocks; it was worse than kissing someone with onion or garlic breath! If you are going to drink liquor that makes your breath reek, then chomp on a stick of gum or purchase a pack of breath mints, and make certain you suck on them. And men, we all know how most of you like to suck! There’s nothing worse when speaking to a guy and their breath smells worse than their sweaty pits. And the icing on the cake was when some of them spoke, their saliva ended up all of you that you feel like you need another shower. And of course, you couldn’t push back quickly enough or blow that whistle to move on to the next man!

Men, I know this sounds harsh, but even if you are the best looking, best dressed, with passion, power and excitement, if these traits are not “tweaked,” I can assure you some woman whom you may have been hot to trot for, if asked out, will hesitate or just turn you down right then and there. So, my Maven advice to all you men out there, MAKE sure you don’t have any of these problems, and IF you do, then find someway to fix them ASAP! As a woman, there’s nothing worse than being around a man with bad breath, sweaty palms, or raining saliva!

It’s so frequent and yet rarely understood why some friendships often fade out after marriage. Is it because of the new addition in someone’s life, and their issues with his or her friends? OR, is the truth because one person in the relationship is SO insecure, dominating, and controlling, that you are too naïve and caught up in the relationship to notice this?

It’s often upsetting and disappointing to friends and everyone on the outside to see that the girlfriend or boyfriend, husband or wife, appears to be such a control freak and sometimes will put a wedge between friends and often family. This is a major issue among couples today, and it often causes tension in the relationship and friendships. What most couples don’t get is that they don’t have to LOVE or even be “tight” with each other’s friends or family, but out of respect, shouldn’t they learn to give a little and tolerate your friends? My Maven opinion is YES!