At 3am at the Southampton Inn with Bree while puffing away on a “J”  we were discussing how we can’t understand how certain individuals, when tipsy often act more perceptive and coherent then others who appear all fucked up, and out of control horny dogs on the prowl! Since I’ve learned my “limits” and now will only drink wine, or champagne it’s hard to fathom why so many men and women constantly need to be up at the bar, ordering more drinks, and doing shots, when it’s obvious they’re already half in the bag while they’re bumping into everyone as they spill the drink on other’s outfits!

FACT: We all know that when under the “influence” most men and women usually look better, and act different then when sober.

However, what most men and women don’t seem to get is that there’s no need to get completely smashed and make a mockery of out yourself. I learned the hard way. One night over a year ago I smartened up when, a friend of mine in a harsh demeanor, and direct eye contact told me that when I drink too much “goose” my actions are out of control, and I  look like a complete idiot, and act foolish, and stupid. Instantly, after hearing the “truth” I decided to NEVER drink Vodka, or any hard liquor ever again, and will only indulge myself with wine and/or champagne!

While we may know the truth about ourselves, somehow when another person verbalizes it, hearing it often hits home, and clarifies for us what we usually already know. But for many of us, hearing the truth is hard, and often harsh, and many of us won’t and don’t like to admit our faults, or “issues.” But, what we should realize is that most people can, and do see right through to the truth even when it’s being denied. Post College we should all know that being that out of control “snow head”, or “stumbling drunk” isn’t attractive and more often then not leads to nothing but trouble. Just one night of random sex or hooking up, long term doesn’t make most men, and women feel any better or more secure about themselves. It actually will often end up making you feel like an insecure complete loser and dirty bird when you awake and sober up!

But, why is it that most men and women can’t realize this, or know their limits? Do we think that excessively drinking and snorting the snow will get us that serious relationship, or are we just feeding our drunken fucked up horniness and insecurities for a lame night? How many times can one wake up suffering from a massive guilty conscious, and feeling of disgust and shame: knowing that when you wake up sober up you’ll want nothing to do with that person lying next to you? Is being that drunk, and drugged out person really what’s going to make us feel better about ourselves?

At Bounce, on the Upper East Side Vanessa and I walked in, gazed at the crowd, and parked our butts on the wooden stools debating over a bottle of red or white. Not anticipating to meet anyone, I landed my eyes on a cutie who Vanessa knew. Minutes later he swayed over to say hi to her! Introductions between us were made, and as we were all “hanging” out, Eric decided he was hungry, and quickly the empty seat next to me was taken!

I smirked at Vanessa who knew exactly what my brain was thinking, cute, 30’s, Jewish, and TALL, I can wear those heels my mother’s always telling me NOT to buy! As Vanessa vanishes to do a lap leaving  Eric and I chatting. He was telling me about how he just broke off his engagement. My RED FLAG was up! As the “Maven” and also quite curious I asked what made them call it off. After all, most people know that what goes on behind closed doors no one ever really knows. Bottom line he told me they were different.

 “Different, how?”
 “She’s regimented and flexibility isn’t her style. We were on 2 different agenda’s. She likes going to bed early, I’m a night owl. She would eat early, and going out and being “social” wasn’t her thing. She always needed reservations, would never wing it and hang or sit at a bar.
“Not eat at a bar, are you kidding me?”
“Nope!”
“But, it’s hard because I still care about her. But hopefully I have finally acknowledged we just aren’t on the “same page.” And, long term this will pose more problems.”
 “Yes, differences can usually cause irresolvable issues and problems, I’ve been there myself. I learned love doesn’t conquer all.”
 “We’ve postponed our engagement/wedding twice now.”
 “Word to the wise Eric, a leopard doesn’t change its spots. No matter how bad you want to make something fit COMFORTABLY it just doesn’t. Even when two people care about each other, and maybe still love each other doesn’t fix something that’s broken. No matter how hard you try to make something work, when two minds don’t 85-90% of the time see eye to eye, the relationship typically will always be stressful. And, often as time goes by you’ll end up resenting the person. Couples should be the very best of friends and LOVE doing things together, (and not just dinners out) it makes for a fun and exciting journey. But, remember when you break up it’s ALWAYS easier to remember the good and somehow FORGET the bad.”
“I know you are right, I guess it just happened so it’s all so new.”
 “Yes, you will. Change is hard, but long term it maybe for the best. A friend once told me if you don’t shut one door completely, then a new door may never open.”

What some men and women don’t understand, or can’t seem to “grasp” is, YES breaking up IS hard especially when you still care, and have feelings for the other. After breaking up, some men and women tend to go back to the “well,” for a few more rounds, it’s our comfort zone, and doesn’t rack up those numbers! But after awhile, the well does “dry up,” and you’ll realize, and figure out it isn’t what it used to be. You’re vision is clearer, and understanding that as a couple you just don’t work, and that just maybe you’re better off as friends. We should all remember trying to make something work when FULLY AWARE that’s it’s broken will never be fixed or ultimately what we really want. We can try time and time again to give it another try, and even if you get back together for the moment you maybe content. But as the days, weeks, or months go by I can almost promise, and assure you that you’ll be back to that same place you were when you made the decision to split up. (Two different people who as a couple just don’t work)!

My Maven advice to everyone who is going back and forth, and second guessing their decisions and, for many they need to do, go with your initial gut instinct and what your heart is telling you that, he or she isn’t the “one” for me. And, as hard as it maybe to let him or her go and move on, do it.  For me the hardest thing I ever did was breaking up with Sebastian. But I can attest that it does get easier. Looking back now it was the best decision I made, to finally realize that no matter what we tried to do, solve, or fix as a couple we just didn’t work. Are men and women hanging onto their relationships for fear of change, or is the fear of the unknown of what’s going to happen after I let him, or her go really what’s holding us back from moving on?

Often times you’ll have the pleasure of meeting a stunning man or woman where it feels and appears as if everything “clicked.” While the chemistry and connection is out of control, the excitement felt is better then the adrenaline rush from doing shots of tequila! You think everything is going smoothly with no patterns of behavior being established, and being on the same page isn’t even a question, or concern. But like many men and women know, some “relationships” may begin as if no games are being played, but often out of nowhere one party stops from making an effort, and no explanation is given  leaving the man, or woman to wonder why haven’t I heard from this person. What most don’t individuals seem to not understand is, it’s rude to leave people with no explanations and often leaving them to think it was something they did, or didn’t do. Why do some men and women often vanish without any explanations?

At some time or another we’ve all gone out with someone who we thought was the “one,” but as the days, and months pasted by we realized this person may not be our perfect match. For some does it really take more then 3 dates, or months to figure out someone isn’t right?  When in a relationship where two people aren’t on similar pages, not being in sync can pose problems which ultimately aren’t solvable. Sometimes we think more time is needed to work on our issues, but often we’ll pull the trigger and end our relationship instead of trying to work at something, which deep down we know isn’t fixable. Even though we may realize this isn’t the right person, why then don’t we just cut our losses before investing so much of our time? Caring about someone or just great sex sometimes just isn’t enough, and it doesn’t mean we should lead the rest of our lives unfilled and unhappy. But, why do many men and women stay in relationships knowing deep down they aren’t 100% fulfilled?

Living in a century where text messaging is the way to communicate, I was determined to teach my darling mother how to text! Little to my surprise, and at 4am a text message appears….”Was Nello’s good?” I nearly lost it, it was my MOTHER! I quickly text’d back, call me! Some moms can be real pains in the asses, and some, like mine can be your best friend as well as a chic! But at 4am, NEVER in my life did I think I’d be getting a text from her, or be speaking with her on the phone! I had my whole house cracking up, instead of hooking up! Guess my friends picked the right house, easy going, no drama, and NO physical attractions, couldn’t have been a better choice! But, why can’t finding a great guy be as easy as having a hip mom, and a no drama summer Hamptons share?