Since the style of dating today is by a pic, and a click, you’d sincerely hope that all single men and women would be sincere, not write lies with fabricated stories, or post ancient or old pictures. You’d expect from reading someone’s profile that they would be truthful and honest about who they are. However unfortunately, with many online profiles this is NOT the case!

From thousands of received emails from men, most of which I usually do reply to, curious to see if they’re in the market to buy a condo/coop, (my other career), and also to see if they’re full of shit or portraying the truth in their profiles, I’ll click reply and hit send!

Since many men have validated my profile as being real, and letting me know they think my profile is unique, and one of a kind, (which it is), it’s SO upsetting to discover how many men LIE on their profiles. The lies and exaggerations are so astounding, from stretching the truth about oneself, to lying about their height, air brushing their photos to shed and shrink the extra pounds, to some men wearing a hat to cover their baldness. The fabrications on even their backgrounds never cease to amaze me. Also, some will go so far to BS about their career, where they are from, and what religion they are. Don’t single men and women understand that looks, personality, and telling the TRUTH all matters? Is starting a friendship/or relationship out on lies really the route we should be taking?

Most people have been in similar situations like Daniel, and because there are so many transmittable STD’s floating around, we all should consider not exchanging bodily fluids with unknowns, and only fucking one person at a time. As shitty as condoms feel for men, and of course women, if sleeping around undoubtedly the pecker should be sealed! However, if it’s abundantly obvious you’re hot for each other, and keep going back for more rounds, then WHY not try exclusivity? Maybe it’s time we try discovering where our “duo” may or may not go. Who knows we may just get REALLY lucky, be pleasantly surprised, and amazingly happy. However, whatever way we “play,” always remember, and recognize that just because your having sex, fucking, or making love with someone, this “SEX” DOES NOT mean your “relationship is exclusive.” Though, what if just the SEX was exclusive, and we kept “dating”; maybe long term this way is the RIGHT way to see if he, or she, is your soul mate and perfect one?

In the beginning stages of relationships many of us are SO attracted to who we’re dating that waiting to have sex is sometimes NOT an option. While speaking with Daniel, we were discussing this new girl he met online and was starting to date. However, he clearly expressed to me that by no means were they “exclusive.” I thought to myself, well, how long should one wait until deciding whether or not to be exclusive, AND does having sex often imply that one wants to change the relationship from non-exclusive to exclusive? I tried to figure out what he was thinking and where he was going with this new-found woman, so I blatantly asked him,

“Have you slept with her yet?”
“Maven, nothing like being blunt and cutting right to the chase! Yes, we’ve had sex.”
“And it’s clear to her that you’re not exclusive?”
“Yes.”
“Interesting…..been there myself! Does she or you want to be exclusive?”
“No. At least I don’t, and I don’t think she does.”
“So then you’re both just enjoying each other’s company, and it’s just sex?”
“Well, I’m moving, so I don’t see the need for anything hot and heavy right now. I guess it just is what it is.”

However, while they were out Friday night, she managed to slip in how a friend of hers wanted to introduce her to this guy, and since he had just gotten back from Europe, her friend gave him her number.

“Well, we aren’t exclusive; you should go.”
“Yes, I know. That’s why I felt like I could tell you and it wouldn’t be a big deal. After all, you’re dating others too, right?”
“Yes.”

“Dating others,” I thought that means dating….NOT HAVING SEX, DANIEL. Does this girl know you’re banging other chicks? And, is she banging other men? How does that make you feel?

Since men and women view things very differently, when attending a speed dating event, I decided to focus on WHY certain men may have issues with finding the perfect woman to date. I don’t think men understand how a good first impression often determines whether or not a woman will want to talk to you for more than a minute, show some interest, and if asked, accept a date. Having done speed dating once before, where you have 3 minutes to meet and speak with your “date,” it’s questionable if most men see certain traits about themselves which many women dislike and find unattractive.

For instance, out of the 15 men that I met, when they went to shake my hand, many had SWEATY palms. EWW! This is the worst! Its like, did you just finish jerking off and forget to wash? Come on men, get the sweaty palms under control—please–it’s truly gross shaking someone’s clammy hands! Next were the men whose breath STUNK of Maker’s Mark or Jack on the rocks; it was worse than kissing someone with onion or garlic breath! If you are going to drink liquor that makes your breath reek, then chomp on a stick of gum or purchase a pack of breath mints, and make certain you suck on them. And men, we all know how most of you like to suck! There’s nothing worse when speaking to a guy and their breath smells worse than their sweaty pits. And the icing on the cake was when some of them spoke, their saliva ended up all of you that you feel like you need another shower. And of course, you couldn’t push back quickly enough or blow that whistle to move on to the next man!

Men, I know this sounds harsh, but even if you are the best looking, best dressed, with passion, power and excitement, if these traits are not “tweaked,” I can assure you some woman whom you may have been hot to trot for, if asked out, will hesitate or just turn you down right then and there. So, my Maven advice to all you men out there, MAKE sure you don’t have any of these problems, and IF you do, then find someway to fix them ASAP! As a woman, there’s nothing worse than being around a man with bad breath, sweaty palms, or raining saliva!

It’s so frequent and yet rarely understood why some friendships often fade out after marriage. Is it because of the new addition in someone’s life, and their issues with his or her friends? OR, is the truth because one person in the relationship is SO insecure, dominating, and controlling, that you are too naïve and caught up in the relationship to notice this?

It’s often upsetting and disappointing to friends and everyone on the outside to see that the girlfriend or boyfriend, husband or wife, appears to be such a control freak and sometimes will put a wedge between friends and often family. This is a major issue among couples today, and it often causes tension in the relationship and friendships. What most couples don’t get is that they don’t have to LOVE or even be “tight” with each other’s friends or family, but out of respect, shouldn’t they learn to give a little and tolerate your friends? My Maven opinion is YES!

Oftentimes the circumstances of people are different, and therefore opinions on how relationships should be, vary. However, the one thing that should but often doesn’t remain constant is our friendships prior to our relationships. While in Boston for the weekend, my phone rang. It was Ashley. She called to tell me she got engaged. I was so happy for her and eager to congratulate them, and see her bling, that we decided to meet at Starbucks. I knew from our prior conversations that she was going to ask me to be a bride’s maid and I was right, she did ask, and I accepted the bride’s maid position.

Needless to say, I was that bride’s maid that “disappointed” the bride when I told her I couldn’t attend her shower. WELL, you would have thought I was slaying the GROOM. The guilt and grief I got because I had an exam the next day and couldn’t be there was ridiculous! The disappointment she was feeling was exactly how I felt when SHE came into New York and made no effort to get together and see me. Her excuse: too much shopping had to be done…. I’m sure everyone agrees that an exam outweighs the importance of charging on the plastic! Now everyone, please when in a relationship or getting hitched, make sure you don’t drop your friends like flies with no vocalized reason after you say your, “I Do’s”…especially those friends you felt close enough to, to ask them to be in your wedding.

FACT: MEN and WOMEN, LISTEN UP….If asked, YES, it’s a honor to be in a groomsman or bride’s maid in your friend’s wedding, BUT bride and groom, please don’t expect too much from your wedding party, and DON’T kill your friends and cop an attitude if there are legitimate reasons they can’t attend every pre or post-wedding bash. If you feel close enough that you asked them to be in your wedding, THEN make sure when married to KEEP your friendships solid, and not vanish and disappear out of your friends’ lives leaving them wondering, did I say, or do something?

It’s quite amusing and disturbing to watch people change, and observing how different they start acting when a new “prospect” enters their life. Just because someone starts to date, move in, or marry, does NOT mean that they should stop having lives of their own or abandon their friends. Why, though, can’t we have both…..A life with a lover and our lives with our friends?

It’s hard to understand why certain people conform to others, and often vanish from our lives. An old friend of mine, Ashley, acted this way. We were friends through thick and thin and never betrayed each other. After both of our relationships ended and we were single, her singleness didn’t last for long. Within months she found a new man, and I was pretty confident he was here to stay.

Within the first year of their dating, I moved to NYC, but we still remained close. When I came home I’d usually make the effort to try and get together. FACT: Like relationships, friendships are also two way streets. Shockingly though, one Saturday when strutting Pasha, who did I bump SMACK into? Ashley and Ross, my “so called” close friends, who came into the city and made no effort to see me. After all, it doesn’t take that long to grab a quick cup of coffee. Is Bergdorf’s SO important that seeing your friend, even for a moment, can’t be squeezed in?

Of course it bothered me that she didn’t make any effort to get together. Since I never had ANY issues with Ross, and didn’t think he had any with me I couldn’t understand why we weren’t getting together. However, in due time it became apparent that he was trying to monopolize my friend. I wondered if maybe he was just insecure of their relationship, or if he was just a dominating and a controlling type, or was it just that he didn’t want her having any friends other then HIM. Or, did he feel just feel threatened that her friends may take her away from him? It was so unclear…but then again, to an “outsider” observing the relationship, OH SO CLEAR. Why often, when in relationships, does may one neglect to see how the other is trying to manipulate and control the other, and the relationship, when it’s so obvious to everyone else what’s really happening?

My phone rings last night. It was my close married friends, Elena and Alan, all fired up and on a rampage.
“I cannot believe who we ran into at Capital Grille,” I hear Alan scream in the background.
“Put Alan on the phone. What is going on; why are you all fired up?”
“Well, did you ever run into an old friend from childhood whose wedding you were in, were best friends with for years, but as soon as he, or she became ‘hitched,’ you were flushed away quicker than shit? And, unexpectedly, 10 years later you run into them?” I chuckled…
“Yes!” It’s unfortunate I explained to Alan. But worse is when there’s no “legitimate” reason why you and your friend stopped speaking.

Having experienced similar situations where friends became obsolete, I related to Alan. It’s a sad commentary when some of your SO-called friends meets a guy, or girl, and become WHIPPED way more than “Land o Lakes!” Your friendship quickly comes to a halt, and you’re instantly dropped out of their life. It’s as if they were never friends with you or even knew you. Complete eviction…Why?

Friends shouldn’t go dropping friends; it’s NOT the right thing to do. After all, you were friends way before this other walked into your life, and who’s to say that this new interest or infatuation will last? There’s no reason why someone has to choose: an s.o. over “friends.” After all, most of us know that good friends will be there through thick and thin. But often when we’ve removed ourselves from friendships and act like a complete assholes, we’ll sometimes realize that this new fling isn’t for us, and the picture as to why your friends didn’t like this new man is finally clear. This isn’t to say we should always listen to our friends, but we also shouldn’t go ditching them for the hottie down the block. Often there comes a time when you’ll try going back to your friend, explaining how stupid you were, and plea for their forgiveness. Will they accept your remorse and take you back as their friend?

If a friendship is important, then it shouldn’t be treated like a roller coaster. We shouldn’t only expect to ride when single and bored, with no plans. And just because something better sometimes comes along, and often we may THINK it’s the best thing to hit since losing our virginity and having our cherry popped, we shouldn’t go ditching our friends. Why do so many friends pull this shit? And, why do some significant others make it so hard to remain friends with certain people?

Certain “looks” given between many men and women are priceless. It’s just as entertaining as “people watching.” But, why do we catch a look, and then often still shift our eyes? We’ve all been or on a date where someone’s ADD kicks in, and they start looking in every direction but at you. You sit there and wonder: Why am I even here? Maybe he’s just not that attracted to me and therefore feels there’s no need to focus. But whether or not you’re attracted to someone, many of us would probably agree that when you’re with someone, not paying attention to them is rude. But then again, it could just be the old ADD kicking in! Or, maybe they’re just insecure, and until he/she gets to know you, focusing isn’t their strong suit. (Here’s a tip: Men, learn to FOCUS and stop texting, and WOMEN, if you are looking for the next best beautiful thing to walk through the door, STOP–it’s SO rude!) No matter how we want to define, analyze, and determine what a “look” that’s given means, don’t be such a puss… Try saying “HI!” After all, there’s nothing wrong with using the old, “Oh, you look familiar; do I know you from college, or is it Equinox?” Come on men and women, put yourself out there! Eating dinner alone or hanging with the boys every night can become quite boring. Isn’t it better to be hard as a rock or sopping wet over filet mignon and a glass of Chianti with your favorite honey?

Let the Maven attest to that fact that I’ve been out where I’ve given and gotten looks, all with many different outcomes. Go ahead and try the approach; test the temperatures. What is the worst that could happen? After all, there’s a good possibility that he/she will be so flattered and into you that you can both “bang” into oblivion. Or, maybe you’ll have your introductions, grab a drink, and mosey on your merry way making sure to tell him or her to read your Blog! Any of those outcomes, in my Maven mind, isn’t losing. However, the possibility of gaining something you don’t have is always appealing. In any event, is there really anything wrong with approaching someone who catches your eye?

Countless times when I am out and about, I’ve caught someone either giving me, or someone else, “the look.” But, heaven forbid that the person giving me “the look” would even THINK to approach me regardless of where I am, whether BY MYSELF or amongst others. However, there is one exception to this general course of in-action: if cute Pasha is strutting beside me and a guy gives me “the look,” the dog becomes the perfect excuse to stop and chat. The question presented: Do men need excuses to approach and talk to a woman they find attractive?

We all know if we’re at the gym, and spot a firm tight ass or buffed chest it is SO hard trying not to stare. But why will most people only give the “look,” with no approach? Maybe there’s that legitimate reason such as, you’ve just hopped off the Stairmaster and think that being all smelly and dripping wet doesn’t exactly make for a perfect introduction. Or, is the truth really that approaching someone after a few drinks is much easier than when sober? Many may think it’s easier to approach what your eye spies when you’re in a sea of bodies in a club, hidden amongst the dim lights and blaring music, versus the fluorescent lighting in the gym exposing the full glory of your cellulite and sweaty pits. But, what all of us should understand is that, some men and women are sometimes shy and have trouble breaking the ice. So, the dark lighting and a few cocktails maybe the cure all some of us need! But, beware, after several glasses of wine, or six martinis, this can make someone who’s not so glamorous look way more appealing!

However, some think that the “look” will usually imply that there is chemistry or that we find someone attractive. BUT, are we just assuming that “looks” are always positive? Or, is it actually that the “look” was given in a negative way, as if to say, why are you dressed like a grandmother, and why is your belly so fat that you insist on wearing such tight Seven jeans or lycra Wolford tops with your rolls flopping out? OR is the look given purely as a means of checking someone out and a desire to aspire to their sense of fashion? Or, are looks just that, looks?