Anyone knows that New Year’s Eve can either be really, REALLY fun, or REALLY bad. I keep trying to convince myself that staying in and getting sushi take-out with a bottle of red wine and champagne to toast with when the ball drops is such a better way of celebrating New Years than racing over to the “Bal Harbour Shops” 24 hours prior to the big night trying to scout out new “digs” since I can’t seem to settle for anything my wardrobe has to offer!

The phone and texts won’t stop. Are you buying a ticket? What’s your deal? Where are you going to go and what have you decided what to do? Dude, I can’t hold this ticket forever! Previous years I had no question of what to do and would buy two or sometimes even three tickets to parties held either at Raleigh, Setai, Shore Club or Shelburne, or wherever else I was being “convinced” to go. For some reason though, this year I wasn’t too keen on partying in one of those overpriced hotels for hours on end, where you can’t even make it to the bar for a well-needed drink, and the music can barely be heard because, unlike the promoters promised, instead of the table being “front and center,” it is so far back that it’s practically in the restroom! Chartering a yacht with friends would’ve been more satisfactory, maybe a tad more expensive, but a midnight yachting excursion over an over-crowded club isn’t too hard of a choice! My alternative to those “hotel parties” was my Floridian friend, Enrique’s, “house” party on Alton Road, catered with sushi and a professional DJ spinning the tunes. SO appealing as this was, I accepted the invite! After 12AM hit and the bottles of champagne got popped, we all headed down to the beach to see friends, hit the parties, and scope out the “scene!”

I don’t know too many people who have ever met their “mate” or let alone began a relationship by meeting on New Year’s Eve. I do recall, however, lots of “break-ups” and fighting ignited among some couples. Why do couples choose holidays as their prime time to pick a fight? How many of you in relationships have been in situations where, at a family gathering, your significant other decides to start in? Well, it’s the most unpleasant thing that one encounters, next to your aunt’s dry turkey breast or over-cooked brisket that the sharpest knife won’t cut. Being embarrassed by someone is worse than having a random hook up where the girl, or in some cases guy, didn’t “shave.”

I’m mind boggled why so many couples stay in relationships with tension and constant bickering. Why, prior to marriage, do couples feel the need to get “therapy?” Seriously. Aren’t the early stages supposed to be the “honeymoon period?” Therapy before marriage, WHAT? If you really analyze this one, then please WAKE THE FUCK UP and start acknowledging and accepting that he, or she, may just NOT be your “soul mate.” If you are staying with the person just because the make up sex is SO HOT, and steamier than the steam at “LA Sports Club,” this isn’t a good enough reason to stay together. It’s not like you’re 90 years old in a nursing home looking for that widow to come and jerk you off! Should relationships be SO much work that you get the feeling you have a second job? Sometimes other jobs are excuses for not wanting to go home to face the real issues.

Don’t couples know how UNHEALTHY and DRAINING fighting under tension is, and worse, doing it under one roof? Issues that are causing problems more often than not will lead to weight gain from eating a hot fudge banana-split sundae with non-fat ice cream so you can try and justify the calorie…just like make up sex or her giving you great “head” is a means of trying to solve the problem. Well, just like any nutritionist will tell you, calories are calories, and the non-fat ice cream won’t PERMANATLY stop you from gaining weight, just like make up “sex” will not PERMANATLY stop or cease the existing problems. By not confronting the issue and burying it in the cup with all the topping, or worse, under the down comforter and 400 thread count sheets, is not going to help make your relationship better or make the tension evaporate! How come, then, do many couples still stay together prior to marriage, when deep down they truly aren’t happy? Is it the fear of being alone, or anxiety that they’ll never have such great sex, or the dread that they’ll never meet another, possibly better suited, candidate?

I will never forget a few years ago when I was in Nuevo Nails, a salon in Coolidge Corner (Brookline, MA) and ran into a married friend of mine, Allison. At the time, I had been living with my boyfriend, Sebastian, for six months. She asked me how everything was going–you know, the standard “girl talk” while getting mani’s/pedi’s. My ex and I were going through a “rough patch.” Some bumps are repairable, but I told Allison how I didn’t know where our relationship was going and was having serious reservations…but not that ones that Amex Platinum can’t fix! For ten years, Sebastian and I were best friends with “benefits.” But when he moved back to Boston and into my apartment, before we knew it we became your “old married couple” that wasn’t truly happy. Allison understood our “rough patch”; she told me that she had a similar situation with her ex. She said, and I will never forget this, “You are too young to be this miserable and unhappy. Unless you fully close one door, you are preventing the opportunity for a new door to open…if you want that new door.” What I wanted was MY apartment, with me, time ALONE, and SPACE to figure out what it was that I really wanted. Was it Sebastian, or was I holding onto something I knew wasn’t necessarily right for me?

I realized that day that she was right. It was the rude WAKE UP CALL that I needed. I wasn’t scared of being alone or coming home to an empty house–for heavens sake I’m an only child–talking to myself is “normal.” I was more concerned with hurting someone I deeply cared about. I had finally come to the realization that he wasn’t the “one” for me. Breaking up isn’t easy. It’s always easier to end a relationship when you can HATE the person because of something they did, (i.e. cheating, etc.), but this wasn’t the case. Just because you care about someone and may even still “love” them does NOT mean that he or she is the suitable person for you to spend the rest of your life with. Frequent fighting isn’t the way to live your life. Making excuses or “brushing” off the problem for the time-being isn’t like crumbs you can vacuum up. Trying to MAKE that light shine at the end of the tunnel that you know will never shine like you want it to, (like the canary diamond in the window at Cartier), will only make you unhappy. If you truly care about the person, shouldn’t you then be honest enough with yourself and them to end things rather than hitting the point where you’ll end up resenting them? Just because two people aren’t meant “to be” doesn’t mean the world is coming to a crumble. As the Maven, I ask: How many of you currently, or at some point in your life, have been in wrong relationships? Then, WHY don’t you just part, go your separate ways, and seek to find happiness somewhere else? If the shoe gives you blisters, then why don’t you just get a new pair?

How do you actually know you’re ready for a relationship or… marriage? Oftentimes women, when meeting a man, automatically assume he’s “the one.” What makes a woman assume this? Is it the vibe the man gives off? Is it the attraction/chemistry they both have for each other? Well, let’s just say that it’s not as presumptuous as one may think. While chatting with Elena, my married girlfriend, she tells me that she just finished speaking with her sister who has been dating this guy for almost a year. She’s been contemplating their next move, the ring before the key, or the key to the apartment with no ring.

Prior to being married, many couples decide to move in together, whether or not they’re engaged. It’s been shown that living with a significant other with or without that one, two, or three or more (if you’re lucky) carat flawless stone with rocks on the side is, a “make or break.” Does this mean that once you get the “bling” and after saying “yes,” and walking down the aisle in your long white Vera Wang gown and Manolo satin shoes, and move in together everything will still be magical? Will having a piece of paper witnessed on your wedding day by your best man and maid of honor bring you good luck like the glass broken in a “Jewish” wedding? Or, will that guest that you’ve always had that “connection” with but who wouldn’t “commit” interrupt your vows and to oppose your marriage, fully knowing that deep down you’re marrying the wrong man and you should be with him?

Well, before the ring and marriage even take place, the sister ends up moving in without the “bling.” Ten days goes by, and on a gorgeous sunny Sunday when they should be going to “Tiffany’s,” the boyfriend in the driver’s seat jerks the wheel hard right, hits a detour, and ends up not getting a little blue box with a white ribbon…BUT, instead meanders down to the dog pound picking up a 4 week old yellow lab, their “baby.” Why now do some couples, when first moving in together, feel the need to take the detour and get a pup? Is it a replacement for prolonging the engagement or children? Maybe it is, and maybe the pup is their distraction so they don’t have to acknowledge taking that next step and getting engaged. Well, her sister is very happy and excited to show off the pooch–BUT, is she just really trying to forget that what she really wanted to be showing off was the “rock” she didn’t get? Sometimes people make alterations in their lives to better or worsen them or, to justify what they really want; and, in this case she was substituting the dog for the ring.

In the last ten days, and after all of their new “changes” and reality started settling in, they wonder: Will the excitement and their love for each other still be there? She is so certain that he is “the one,” but will this all change once they are under one roof and they REALLY get to live day to day with each other? Will it become so convenient that they don’t see the WHOLE picture or how their dependence is unhealthy? Well, it’s very easy to become blind-sighted when living under one roof and spending so much time together, that the things you once appreciated start to annoy and frustrate you. It becomes like a Monet for both, where the man sometimes prolongs the engagement and worse, marriage, leaving the woman to start picking fights. Once a woman begins to get “anxious” and her “time line” that she forgot about has resurfaced, the gestures she throws out trying to subtlety give him that push or hint towards their “next step” to that blue box with the white ribbon may or may not always work towards her favor. Then, why after moving in together does it take some men so long to formally commit and make that next step? Are men just buying time until they’re pushed so far that ultimatums start being given? Most of us know that men, and most women, don’t like being “pushed,” and furthermore, NOBODY likes ultimatums. Why is it that certain men take SO long to initially ask out a girl, and even worse, after you’ve dated for a significant period, doesn’t “pop” the question? But, truth be told, when the boat starts getting too rocky will he, or she, stay ashore or sink?

So my phone rings….it, was Jay, my “ex”, a prince that once swept me off my feet. But I was so blinded in the relationship that I did not recognize the larceny in his sole; proving that old adage true, “never lend cash or credit cards to boyfriends with the expectation of being paid back. Though even with all the wrong Jay did causing me to back his bags and send him hiking, I still manage to catch occasional glimpses of the knight in shining armor. Yes though, there are still those certain “ex’s” for some unknown reasons that, even with their tarnished coats just don’t disappear. I flipped open my phone and he asked that I meet him at the Four Season’s at 4. “Ok, see you there!”

Before I met him I had a 3pm appointment on 63rd and a 3:30 on 76th n 2nd. I was showing two studio apartments to my friend’s mother. For the first time ever I was having an indecisive moment. The mother asked, “Which apartment did you like better?” I couldn’t decide, both had certain pros and cons similar to men you meet…some are rich but fucked up in the head, some are “poor” and “hot,” some are “hot” and “wealthy”, some are poor and academically smart yet unmotivated, some are motivated computer dorks with Gap Button downs and chino’s, and then some are just full of “space” and left just as “empty” as the waiter forgetting to pour more Pellegrino into your glass. But the worst men or women are the ones that are so full of themselves with undeserved pomposity.

Caroline and I strolled down 2nd Ave. We were going to take a cab, but I was thinking, no gym today and craving the glass of wine which I knew I would end up choosing over the virgin “cappuccino” at the 4 Seasons. As Caroline and I walked, I could not stop visioning the Noir; needless to say I was “power walking!” When I arrived at the “Season” Darrel was standing under the heated lamps ready to greet! I waited while the valet took Jay’s “body guard” Tony’s SUV.

After 2 rounds of Cosmo’s for the boys and Pinot Noir’s for me, we contemplated on where to hit next. A part of me wanted SO bad wanted to go home back to “Pasha,” grab a salad and turkey Burger from Equinox, sit on my sofa and watch “GH” (General Hospital for all you questioning; and YES I still love watching the saga along with Nicholas and Emily!) However, my other half was in dire need of a good dose of happy hour, which resulted in me “sticking” with the boys!”

Anyone knows when living in NYC, or visiting anytime you begin at the “Four Seasons” for a $19.00 vino and a $20.00 Martini and will usually end up “hoping” over to Tao for a bargain $12.00 “shot!” Every time I tell my mom I go to the Four Seasons she gets HORRIFIED to think I’d actually spend $19 on a cocktail but, this time it wasn’t me paying the “bill.” Being that she’s not a real “drinker” she can’t comprehend the price or how it’s a “social” thing. Now, what was initially supposed to be one end of the day “drink,” and then a long overdue visit from Michael, the massage therapist at 9pm ends up with a postponing text to Michael and, an unforeseen morning of waking up to empty bottles of Figi along with a bottle of Advil to help ease my eye ball of a headache!

We arrived at Tao just in time for the “early bird” special and managed to score 3 center seats at the bar. The wasabi peas were so tempting, but the diet was going too well that I didn’t even dare! Since Jay had a 6:30pm appointment downtown he decided to leave me in “safe hands” with his “body guard”, Tony. A, 6’4” Italian, bald with a go tee and, John Hardy chain hanging outside his V neck “Banana Republic” cashmere sweater. I was finishing sipping the last of my “noir” and my eagle eyes spot this 6 ft, well dressed handsome blue eyed guy, alone, looking thru his blackberry and checking his watch. I assumed he was waiting for clients or friends. Tony ran off to the SUV to charge his phone and left me single, with a new full glass of wine and 2 stools!

Happy hour’s sometimes will end up being a LONG night. For some reason once you “suck” down a few you have a hard time turning the bar tender off. Well this was the case. Alone the handsome guy orders a “martini”. I offer him Tony’s stool fully knowing Tony wouldn’t object. The guy sits down and, Tony comes back. The 3 of us end up “shooting the shit” and getting acquainted with our new “fine-looking” friend.

Tony stays for a little while longer until his phone rang and it was his wife, “WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU? DO YOU KNOW HOW LATE IT IS?” Men, is it really that hard to “check in” with the spouse as in this case, or a girlfriend? I mean isn’t it merely about “doing the right thing?” But right now I wasn’t focusing on Tony or his wife. All I was interested in was chatting with Avi!

Now, men I’m sure all of you at one time or another have picked up a woman in a bar/lounge/club. And, women I’m certain the majority of you have managed to eye that “stallion” and what starts off as innocent bat of your lashes ends up as “trouble and entertainment” when you attempt to “part” in separate cabs since one of you is heading uptown and the other down. However, after a long evening of running around the city to Morgan bar, Stk and Marquee, Avi says “come back and let’s hang out for a little while longer.” Now we all know what a “little while longer” means, either; you hook up a little, or a lot, (either just kisses or hitting home run): you, go home immediately after; OR, you end up in one of his “t-shirts” doing the “walk of shame” out of his building, in your clothes from the night before and, quickly fetch a taxi home in the AM! Either way you are NOT taking the subway!

Regardless of the decision you make, to go back and hang or go home. If you do either your mind starts wondering, Will I ever go out or speak/see him again? I like this guy, he told me he liked me too, are these men just saying that to get you to have “sex” with them? Probably! But, what will he think if you end up going back, will he think of me as a slut? Obviously the chemistry for want is mutual so why not go back? WHY not is CORRECT! BUT, it’s apparent you liked each other, are both single with common interests THEN, WHY not take her out again? You liked her enough to “hang out” and spend the whole evening together leaving all of your friends, that it seems quite evident that you both “connected.” SO Miss Maven wonders, WHY not just pick up the phone, and stop playing the game and, ASK HER OUT AGAIN?

Why is it that men in today’s society do not play the “role” of the man? What do women want from men? How does a woman want a man to “pursue” her? All of these questions are highlighted current topics of discussion among society today.

Getting a man to ask a woman out the “appropriate” way can be quite the “challenge.” Men get hungry, they know they’re craving a “FILET” and have no problem choosing where to eat it, Wolfgang’s or Strip House? On the contrary it’s quite a shame they are not as able to be decisive when asking a girl out and, picking the place to meet. It’s a sad commentary, but more often then not, the man will leave it up to the woman to pick the place, therefore “making” the date!

Seriously MEN, Is this the way you should be asking a woman out? Let me explain this concept to you, WOMEN LOVE when you, the MAN, take charge and make all the date “arrangements.” THIS is very attractive to a woman! It’s not like we woman are demanding the man HAS to date her exclusively, or that he MUST take her out for a $300 dinner to Le Cirque with a bottle of “Cristal!” All we are really expecting is just a little common courtesy when planning the date with a girl; you’d think it would be as easy as remembering to go to CVS and buy your mom a card for mother’s day!

It’s a snowy Saturday night and you decide to stay in and spend your night trying to meet a QUALITY “prince” online. You log on and see the blinking icon saying you have got a “MESSAGE.” You “double click” to open your in box, and look to check Sandy out! From reading the small descriptions that are given you are able to see the majority of the profiles pretty much describe whether the girl or guy is more likely to “shop” at Saks or, H & M!

After reading his renderings you decide if he’s someone you’d like to meet. You hit REPLY and email the lad back! The emails go back and forth as you both share your interests on things you like to do; clubs vs. lounges, drinks vs. café; prefer tuna tar tar vs. escargot or Sushi Samba vs. Nobu. Optimistically Ms. Maven is hoping you both also touch upon a small amount of “substance” aside from the “B/S” to “IM” about! Undoubtedly I would be bewildered if you didn’t figure out within minutes if they are more prone to eat at McDonald’s or P.J Clarks! However, why must there be so many back and forth emails and WORSE, IM’S? Why doesn’t he just invite you to join him for a café or cocktail so you both can meet face to face? This would eliminate the numbers of emails and IM’s and leave for a little mystery and excitement for the “date!” It’s really not a difficult task MEN to make a date with a female. STILL though for whatever reason it has become a MAJOR problem and, out of the many online dating singles I asked most said, they usually talk significantly to the guy long before he initiates a “get together!” WHY IS THIS? He presumably can drink a Goose on the rocks quicker then he can ask a girl out on a date! If truth be told men, you MUST start to “STEP IT UP A NOTCH” and not a SCOTCH!

Lastly a date is made but then comes the big decision of where to meet up. Since you’ve had various conversations the girl has made it very clear, and yes men, PAY attention, WOMEN SAY THINGS FOR A REASON, THEY HINT and give out “clues”…..NEVERLESS, this time you were WELL informed SEVERAL TIMES that she is coming from the Upper East or West sides of the city and, nonetheless you STILL pick a place DOWNTOWN; which is closer and more convenient for you. WHAT?? MAJOR RED FLAG MEN and I’m not talking about the Flag hanging on Fifth Ave in front of The Pierre Hotel!

RED FLAG ALERT! Please men you must STOP and bring acting this way to a hault. Women HATE these traits with a passion! Perhaps you should try viewing yourself as a father or brother (or worse put yourself in the girl’s shoes); would you want your DAUGHTER or SISTER treated like this and asked out like this from a guy? I mean dating isn’t like planning to go bar crawling/clubbing with your “boyz!” It’s about making the effort and illustrate to the girl you’re really thinking about meeting her and attempt to show your effort by being the strong, take charge powerful man that makes decisions showing the woman you are in control! Men here’s a little tip, women like nothing more then looking forward to meeting you. They want to be able to smile, pick out a charming outfit, sit pretty and hope they are going to have a nice evening, EVEN IF no “hook up” occurs or you never end up going out or seeing each other again. HOWEVER you never know and a shocking surprise would be if you started dating and end up getting “hitched!”

See, dating provides you with many experiences of interacting with all different types of people. Hopefully by dating all types of men or women it helps to clear your vision and allows you to REALLY determine what traits and qualities that you look for, are attracted to and, admire in a partner. Dating before marriage is a true learning experience. It’s like trying different restaurants, some you’d go back to and some you wouldn’t. But remember, the first time is the “audition”, if you go back a second time it may very well not be what you had expected or thought you liked when you “auditioned.” Fortunately two wasted nights out along with a few spent bucks is better than 17 long wasted and MISERABLE years as husband and wife!

Thus, my Maven advice to all of you SINGLE MEN OUT THERE, start to do the right thing no matter what age you are. INDULDGE THE GIRL whether she is someone you meet just once, someone who you become good friends with, someone you start to “hang out & hook up” with, or someone you start to date and see where it goes. Any man or woman dating should always be welcoming, considerate, and polite. You never know where in the world this person may “resurface” or what bridges you both will cross or, if you become friends, WHERE YOUR FRIENDSHIP or “friends with benefits” will lead to down the road. You should always end a date on a positive note whether or not a mutual or sexual connection was felt. This leaves the person feeling a positive vibe about you. If an optimistic feeling is left, the opportunity for the door always to remain open is better then closed and leaving a bad taste in your memory and mouth! SO, men and women, thinking back on ALL the dates you’ve gone on. How many of you walked away saying, “this is someone who I’d like to remain friends with? And nobody can ever fully know what may surface with your date in the days, months, or years ahead.